He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We have started to decorate penises.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
