her vagine was all disorganized.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
