So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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