:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
