the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
