I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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