He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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