Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
youre lurking in front of me
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
