i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
