ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
