I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
