If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
