worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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