he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
