Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I would ride that face into the sunset
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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