it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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