evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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