I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
