I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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