is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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