You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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