Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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