why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize