i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
