Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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