We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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