Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
