Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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