i was rollin on her like bob the builder
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
