he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
