If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Terrible idea I love it
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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