I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
