It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
