small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
