Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
