is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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