Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
