Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
