Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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