I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
