The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
