dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
