so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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