I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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