I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
