you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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