hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Damn victory sex feels great
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
