So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
