he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
