You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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