My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
