tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
