Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
