Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
