I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We need to get me chipped asap
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
