So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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