well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
