can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
