They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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