Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
