Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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