I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize