It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize