dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just want to make out with him forever
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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