make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
