i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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