I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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