the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I think my vagina is haunted
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize