It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
