I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
