she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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