you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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