maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
