OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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