worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
