so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
