This girl is more easily done than said...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize