I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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