The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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