do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
