I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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