The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Randomize
