whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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