im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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