So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
