She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you traded sex for a burrito?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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