you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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