He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
