stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
